Halberd House

This was a play that a wrote a long time ago.  It comes to an okay conclusion at the end of scene 3, but I had a much different ending in mind if I’d continued it.  I never did.  But this is actually the first play I ever wrote, so that’s something! (by the way, the characters are named One, Two, and Three.  I mean, they are clones after all.)

 Stage is set with three beds, a desk and chair, weights, and an assorted variety of different junk on the floor. Lights are not yet on.

1 – I don’t know, it could be fun.

2 – (bitterly) Not like we have much choice in the matter

Dim up. Three clones walk into room. They kick the assorted variety of different junk around some. 3 lies down on his back on one bed. 1 walks over to the desk

1 – (sits in chair, turning to face 2) Well then, Mr. “We-Are-Worth-Nothing”, What would you rather do? Work at a local bar, risk being shot there, or work here? Here you at least have benefits…

2 – But I don’t want benefits! I wouldn’t mind being a Knight, though. At least there I would have a chance of defending myself. Besides – hey! We can get shot doing this, too! In fact, we are more likely to get shot here than at any other job!

3 – (fed up) Will you shut up, ya goddamn numbnut!? First of all, you know as well as anyone else you can’t become a Knight. Second, you should stop being so selfish. This job is the only reason you’re alive now!

2 – (sarcastically) Oh, sure, this job is so worth being born in a fricken factory instead of waiting for the real thing.

3 – (making a sound somewhere between “Gaaaaah” and “Grrrrrh”) You know you can’t choose how you’re born.

2 – Can’t choose the job either. Lovin’ life.

1 – Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m actually looking forward to it. Get to see the galaxy, get to enforce order…

2 – You just want to shoot people.

1 – Is that a crime?

2 – Pretty much.

3 – In most places, yes.

1 – Well, it isn’t when we do it.

(hahaha, I am curious to those reasons, but here we go!)

Even more than that, I was not ready to learn that genies existed, holding the power to create objects out of thin air and change people’s destinies. I suppose I was being naïve to believe that matter could neither be created nor destroyed, or that the earth orbited the sun due to the sun’s greater mass and gravitational pull. It was childish, sure, but I just wasn’t ready to learn that I could save the life of a fairy just by believing in it enough, and if it touched me I could just think happy thoughts and fly through the stars and straight on until morning.

But I was only six years old. Some kids get to eight or ten or even thirteen before they stop believing in the strong and weak nuclear forces or the laws of thermodynamics. My mother made me swear not to tell my brother about Jack Frost and wood nymphs until they were old enough to find out for themselves. It was for their own good, she told me, and growing up, I guess I agreed. How could a three-year-old sleep if he knows about the boogeyman or alien abductions. Children are impressionable. You tell a kid that a rainbow is just an illusion created by refracted sunlight so that he doesn’t go searching for gold and get mauled by a leprechaun.

She trailed off and gazed at the sky, looking thoroughly mesmerized. The way her face was half lit with the pale moonlight was almost too much. My heart skipped quite a few beats, but I remained calm. I tried to think of something to say, but all that came out was, “I never knew.”

“You never knew what?” she asked pointedly as she broke out of her trance.

I never knew you had such a deep, poetic soul. I never knew you looked half this gorgeous in the moonlight. I never knew that you could make my heart flutter and my head spin like this.

“I never knew you felt that way,” was what I actually said. Stupid, but what else could I say? I didn’t want to come on to her like a blithering creep.

She smirked at me and said, “Well, I’m sure there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Unsure if I should take this as an opportunity sign or a warning sign, I carefully asked, “Like what?”

She hummed a little and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she asked me, “What do you want to know?” She was trying to sound playful, I could tell, but I detected a note of melancholy. She continued to walk toward the hill in my backyard.

I followed her, afraid of the consequences of what I was about to ask, but I decided to press my luck. “Well, uh, for starters, why pink?”

Man, what IS that face even doing?  It’s just like… why??  Also, what in god’s name is the first one doing?

10 Facts about my room.

1. My room (at school) is in a suite with three other roommates.  The suite is four bedrooms, a living room connected to a kitchen, and a bathroom with two sinks and separate doors for the shower and the toilet.

2. My room is in a very nice upperclassman residence hall called Reuter Hall.  It is also rather expensive, and when I start paying off my student loans, I will weep openly at the decision to live here.  But in the meantime, it is a fabulous place to live.

3. I live on the fifth floor.

4. My room itself is rather small, as some friends have commented, but it is not the smallest room I have ever had, and it is not too much smaller than my room back home.  Honestly, I don’t mind at all, and I don’t understand what those homies be trippin bout.

5. I just took down my posters, because I am leaving for the summer, but hanging up in my room were a five-foot wide map of the world, posters for Pulp Fiction, The Boondock Saints, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Captain America: The First Avenger, 3 Star Wars posters, an autographed Ari Herstand Live at the Pause poster, a poster of a satellite composite photograph of Earth, several Hubble Telescope images, two touch lights, my third Free Hugs sign, and a piece of foamcore board on which i drew my name and keep adding stickers and button pins.  I also have two bookmarks on there that I received from deviantartist Nikira12 a couple years ago.  Her art is fantastic.

6. My room is the only bedroom in the suite that possesses a window which overlooks the bluffs.

7. The living room in my suite is one of either 2 or 4 in the hall that has the greatest view ever.  Unlike most rooms, ours has three windows instead of two.  And they overlook the bluffs in La Crosse, which are the most beautiful things.

8. I have a tiny TV which I never use because I cannot figure out how to use it

9. I have a bookshelf too.  Though most of my books end up scattered all over anyway.  My obsessive compulsive disorder has never expanded to my living space.

10. I will be living in the same room next semester. Hooray!  But with different roommates.  That should be good too?

8 Facts about My Body

1. I’ve lost almost fifty pounds in the last year and a half.

2. I am between 5’10” and 6’00” (between 177 and 183 cm).  But I’ve never received the same measurement twice in a row.

3. My pelvis has about a 22 millimeter tilt.  Also my feet splay out to the sides.  Because of this, people have said that I seem to have a bit of a limp.  Also, I am not very fast.

4. I have activity induced asthma.

5. I have green eyes with a little bit of brown in the middle.  I have, since kindergarten, always referred to the combination of green and brown as “Dinosaur Green”.

6. My left pinky finger does not settle in line with my other fingers when I open my hand flat.

7. I only have two wisdom teeth, and they both came in without an issue.  This is weird, because my normal permanent teeth originally came in crooked as The Penguin’s umbrella.

8. I have 20/20 vision, which has always bummed me out because I have an obsessive fixation on the feeling of glasses.

2 facts about my favorite things.

1. My favorite movie is The Blues Brothers. I love it. It is perfect.  It is timeless.  It is dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.

2. My favorite book is Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card.  I know what Orson Scott Card has said recently, I know how problematic he is, but the fact is that Ender’s Game and Speaker For the Dead are still mind-blowingly phenomenal books, and I can still like the books even if I don’t agree with his political or religious beliefs.

Awww yisss, errbody wants to know about my body.  If you want to ask that one, you can, that’s fine!  Though I will answer that shortly. BUT! I shall answer this one.

3 Facts about My Personality

1. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourette Syndrome, as well as AD/HD that has officially never been confirmed nor denied.  I used to struggle with these a lot more in grade school and high school, but in college, not only am I largely able to control my symptoms without medication now, but I have come to terms with the fact that my disabilities are not shameful, nor is it shameful to get extra help to succeed with them.

2. As a child, I watched every single James Bond movie in existence to that point (and have since seen the rest).  This shaped my sense of humor and gave me an appreciation for quick, dry wit, especially of a British nature.  My sense of humor has further been influenced more recently by Douglas Adams, Zuckers and Abrams, and webcomics like Dinosaur Comics and Hark a Vagrant.  And a good helping of stupid too. :P

3. I am very quick to both forgive and apologize.  If an argument arises, I will often seek to end it by taking blame and apologizing.  I’m not a fan of conflict or drama, unless it is in literature, in which case I FUCKING LOVE CONFLICT AND DRAMA.

2 Facts about My Favorite Things

1. My Favorite Things is a song from the musical The Sound of Music, with music by Richard Rodgers and lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II.

2. Despite not actually having anything to do with Christmas, it has become a part of the canon of Christmas standards.  It also is a part of the canon of Jazz standards thanks to a 1961 recording by legendary saxophonist John Coltrane.

Ha ha ha, Dave. Answer the question for real.

All right all right.

1. I love movies so much and can talk about them for hours, if given the opportunity.  I love analyzing the themes, talking about the writing, discussing the cinematography, and speculating on the cultural impact they make.  Also Airplane! is a very funny movie.

2. My baritone ukulele is named Wayward Vagabond.  I bought it in October of last year, online for thirty dollars.  Two of the strings are steel, and two of the strings are nylon.  It is the first stringed instrument I have played for more than 3 days at a time.